Filed in Category Symptoms of Heroin Use
He signed up for a martial arts class, but after work, didn’t go because he fell asleep, then gets up and wants to use my car, to go to a party. I tell him “no” because he can’t even go to a class that I paid for but wants to go party, and all hell breaks loose because he thinks I’m wrong for not letting him use the car. He is 25 years old, and been 2 months clean from a heroin addiction. Am I the ‘bad guy’ for putting my foot down? My wife, he and I, had a terrible fight over this, as to where I kicked him out of the house (again) after things turned violent. I’m still reeling from the episode and wondering if fellow parents would have done things differently. Thank you for your answers.
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Your son is 25 years old and it is time for him to grow up. Why should he get to use your car at all?Why are you letting him? Responsibility first and because of your son’s addiction, no he doesn’t get to party. If your son is still on drugs and violent then yes you have to make him leave and not let him live with you or give him money until he is ready to sit down and reasonably make a plan for his life, including his drug addiction. Another option would be to help him move into an apartment and pay the first months rent and deposits.
Then tell him he is on his own and he better get help or a job or be kicked out. If you aren’t strong enough to stay out of his life and not know how he’s doing for a while, this won’t work. You have to be consistent. If you are not,it only gets harder because he knows you don’t mean it.
With our children we were always willing to sit down with them and work out a plan anytime they could talk and listen responsibly.We would work with them if they were on the right track. If children or teenagers or 25 year olds do something wrong then they pay the consequences. Hopefully it is one that we give them (like not ever getting your car again) rather than out on the streets with other druggies.
If you just can’t do this then you could have an intervention. There are people where you live who do this and you get them to help you with it.
Unfortunately, most alcoholics and drug addicts won’t really stop until they really want to and have a reason to. Such as they have to pay the rent and you’re not going to give a penny. They can’t get to their job -tough– take the bus. They don’t have any food. Get a job. I would let my child eat supper with me if he could act respectful and not on drugs. Tell him nicely before he comes if he starts a fight or is disrespectful or on drugs, out he goes right then.
I most certainly wouldn’t have done anything differently, expect pay for his class. If he is 25, he is responsible enough to make the right decisions and if he isn’t doing that on his own, it is perfectly acceptable to intervene… especially if it comes to your car and your money!
why is a 25 year old man living in his parents house??
If things had gotten violent you should have called the police..it’s called tough love!!! Got to try it some time!!